Since i've been old enough to understand i've wanted to do something amazing... i had an intense fear of failure... of amounting to nothing... of not being somebody... now that never really correlated to having money or being a millionaire ... i just wanted to be successful... i wanted to help people... i wanted others who came in contact with me to be able to say that i'm a good person and i've gone out of my way to help or touch them in one way or another...
When i had my daughter i felt that had been accomplished... i felt that i had reached that something amazing... i was a mommy... i had a part in creating life....there was another person who was part of this world because of me because of my role.. and i would continue to help her get to that point where she would become something amazing.
i wonder sometimes if the right place for me is working or if i should be home with her no matter what the sacrifice financially... i mean i send her to daycare everyday... and she learns, interacts with other children, and clearly thrives... they teach her how to be a little person...and each year that gets built upon and she grows more and more ... but i wonder about my role in all of that.. i mean when it comes down to it i spend an hour with her in the morning and 4 hours before bed in the evenings...5 days a week... then of course we're weekend warriors... where we live for family time on the weekends...but is she really thriving or would she benefit on a greater level if i were home with her interacting 24/7...
on the flip side:
i enjoy working... i enjoy adult interaction ... i enjoy being good at something other than being a wife and mommy... selfish?
is this alawys going to be how it is???
this ugly inner struggle between one or the other... which is best..what makes me a better or worse mother...
but what if i were able to stay home with her all day ? would i burn out... would i desperately miss my time at work being a productive member of the working population? What about that inner struggle?
I don't know anything about being a parent, but, I would imagine is not quantity but quality. The people that have made the greatest impact in my life are those that I don't get to spend much time with....We miss u guys greatly!!
ReplyDeleteaww thank you carlitos!!!! we miss you guys so much... gusy was just telling me last week that he wants to go visit...its just a matter of finding the time!! give my love to oli!! :)
ReplyDeleteLiz.. my mom didn't work a day in her life... dedicated her life to us and was always available..
ReplyDeleteRight now, I can honestly tell you that it wouldn't have made a difference to me if she had decided to go out and work... BUT it would have made a difference for her because she would have felt more accomplished.. which she doesn't now...
I just don't think staying home with the kids is a big deal for them... kids will never thank you for that... they eventually make their own lives..that's just reality!